Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
