11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Randomize
