She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You left your underwear on the fireplace
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
