She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
