Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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