Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
