i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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