I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
