Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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