You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
