Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
