Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
