you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
