I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
