You made me cry and you don't even care
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I deserve this hangover.
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