with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
