You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
