yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
