capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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