sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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