i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Say something about gay babies.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
