I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
