i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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