my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
