They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
