I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
