I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
