in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
