my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
