Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
