Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
