Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
