Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
