it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
