My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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