if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
