I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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