I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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