Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
