my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
