That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
