Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
