I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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