I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
