just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
