I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
