We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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