Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
