are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
