pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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