i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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