butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
