Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
