Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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