I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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