Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
