I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
