I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
