So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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