I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
