And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize