Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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