Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Come on in and take your pants off
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