You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize