even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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