i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
