so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize