I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
