i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
