Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
