all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
