I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
