Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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