I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
