Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
