she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
