Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
