I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
