I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
